but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
