no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
