ttyl tear gas
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
