he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
