wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
