here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
