Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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