Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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