I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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