Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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