She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
