that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
