fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
