don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found puke in my bra..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
