i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
