do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
