I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
