I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
