...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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