Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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