I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
