Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
