He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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