She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
