Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
