definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
