I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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