so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
