and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
