I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
