Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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