M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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