but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
