I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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