Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
