i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
