he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
