He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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