currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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