what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
