My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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