I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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