You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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