i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
