Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
