So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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