the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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