Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
