shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
