hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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