Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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